{"id":3768,"date":"2020-02-14T08:11:55","date_gmt":"2020-02-14T14:11:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/?p=3768"},"modified":"2020-10-22T10:52:26","modified_gmt":"2020-10-22T16:52:26","slug":"this-valentines-day-and-everyday-give-a-gift-of-love-to-yourself-with-the-five-as","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/?p=3768","title":{"rendered":"This Valentine\u2019s Day [and everyday] Give a Gift of Love to Yourself with The Five A\u2019s!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

According to psychotherapist,\nDavid Richo, PhD. one way to improve your relationship with your significant\nother is to set an intention to consistently give each other \u201cThe Five A\u2019s of\nLove: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.\u201d  But\nwhat about the relationship with yourself? Whether in a couple or not, we still\nneed to give ourselves these things.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These five aspects of love represent qualities that are\nessential for a child to receive from a parent or caregiver in order to feel\nsecure and to develop a healthy sense of self. An absence of these five\nqualities of love and nurturing could be considered a form of childhood emotional neglect and\nrelationship trauma. If we don\u2019t receive a consistent, sufficient amount of the\nfive A\u2019s as children, we can experience anxiety,\ndepression and shame, or go through life feeling not good enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guess what? Very few people received\nthe 5 A\u2019s consistently or in sufficient amounts! I\u2019ve never had a coaching or therapy\nclient who did not need to engage in some level of self re-parenting. People\nalways like to say, \u201cparenting is hard.\u201d I want to say, \u201cHave you tried re-parenting?!\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We never outgrow the need to\nreceive attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. \nGiving and receiving the Five A\u2019s of love in your romantic relationships is\ngroovy! This can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and help fill the void\ncreated by childhood relationship trauma. But, receiving this from someone else\ncan never heal you or fill a void if you don\u2019t truly love yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the good news; You don\u2019t\nhave to sit around waiting to receive the 5 A\u2019s from someone else! You can and\nshould start giving them to yourself today! Because it is the child who needed\nand needs these things, it may be more impactful to think of your \u2018self\u2019 as\nyour inner child and your \u2018Self\u2019 as the adult or parent. If you are already\ndoing this then congratulations! If your relationship with yourself could use a\nlittle help, read on. Start with setting an intention to give these dimensions\nof love to yourself\/inner child and see how you feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Attention<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>
\nNotice, listen, focus and really engage with your inner child and other aspects\nof yourself (more on this later). Notice and hear words, feelings, experiences.\nThink about how your words (self-talk) and actions affect your inner child. When\nwe give the inner child this type of attention, she feels respected, understood\nand that she really matters to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Acceptance<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>
\nDemonstrate in your words and actions that you approve of who the inner child\nis as a person; her unique personality traits, her values, her choices, her\nlifestyle. Acceptance means appreciating differences without judgment. (Acceptance\ncreates deeper intimacy because it demonstrates that each person can be\nthemselves and share their thoughts, feelings and wishes without fear of\nrejection, ridicule or abandonment. Acceptance leads to self-confidence and a\nsense of security in the world.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Appreciation<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>
\nExpress gratitude daily for who you are. Say thank you for the individual\nqualities that you cherish and admire. (If you have not already done so, create\na list of at least 10 assets you possess.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example: positive attitude, a\ncalm demeanor, taking an interest in friends and family, your talents. Notice\nand make a list daily of three good things you do for yourself i.e. making a\nhealthy breakfast, getting exercise, getting a massage, spending time with\nsupportive friends and family, tending to your spirit and any manner of\nself-care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Affection
<\/strong>
Affection refers not just to physical closeness but also feeling close to someone through conversation, gestures, and presence. This means really listen to and engage with your inner child. Maybe she wants to play, maybe she needs a nap, maybe she needs a treat. Any form of healthy self-care should be viewed as expressions of love for self. Affection can also be expressed via kind words, i.e. positive self-talk, affirmations. Stop being so hard on yourself! Listen to your self-talk. If it\u2019s negative imagine saying that to an infant! Would you do that? I hope not, because that\u2019s abuse. Think of how you have and should speak to babies, then do that! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On Sunday (which is my day of\nrest), I like to take a hot bath in candlelight then really take some time moisturizing.\nI even give myself a foot massage. Does this sound weird? Well, I love it and\nso does Little Nicky. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Allowing<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>
\nAllowing means letting someone be themselves. It means giving them the freedom\nto do things in their own way. It means we don\u2019t try to control or manipulate\nthe person to make them into someone they are not naturally meant to be (sound\nfamiliar). How can you be allowing to yourself and your inner child? 1) Stop\njudging yourself, 2) stop comparing yourself to others, 3) stop pretending to\nbe someone you think the world wants you to be, 4) start paying attention to\nyour feelings and wants 5) honor those feelings, 6) be authentic!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you struggle with giving or\nreceiving the Five A\u2019s, to your inner child\/self your past parenting is most\nlikely interfering. Many people did not receive \u201cgood enough\u201d parenting. We\ntend to continue the job our parents started by parenting ourselves the way\nthey parented us. Some of it was good, keep doing that. Some of it was not\ngood, stop doing that and start employing the Five A\u2019s today! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop waiting to receive this type\nof love from others. You can\u2019t change the past, but you can determine what you\nwill do today and be the beautifully powerful woman you were born to be. It\ntakes work, but it\u2019s so worth it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Love,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nicole<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Parts of above adapted from Kalpana Murthy (2012) in an\narticle geared toward coupling. This author has adapted Richo\u2019s 5 A\u2019s as important\naspects of self-love. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

According to psychotherapist, David Richo, PhD. one way to improve your relationship with your significant other is to set an intention to consistently give each other \u201cThe Five A\u2019s of Love: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.\u201d  But what about … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3768","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3768","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3768"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3768\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3865,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3768\/revisions\/3865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3768"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3768"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3768"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}