{"id":4284,"date":"2026-10-22T19:25:10","date_gmt":"2026-10-23T01:25:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/?p=4284"},"modified":"2026-10-23T00:17:40","modified_gmt":"2026-10-23T06:17:40","slug":"confessions-of-a-recovering-workaholic-or-how-i-ended-up-in-the-cold-ass-ocean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.nicolecutts.com\/blog\/?p=4284","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of a Recovering Workaholic (or, How I Ended Up in the Cold Ass Ocean)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Part One: The Couch Confessional<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Hi, my name\u2019s Nicole, and I am a recovering workaholic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I\u2019m struggling with that today, because I have come away for a couple of weeks. The first week I worked from home, the home I\u2019m in. And this week I decided to just take time off, because I really need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been tired. I\u2019ve been go, go, going, and I need some rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I decided that I was going to rest and use the rest of the time to work on my vision. And what I\u2019m finding is that I\u2019m having a really hard time with the resting, but also with working on my vision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I mean by that is, I\u2019m lying on the couch. Not right now, but I\u2019m lying on the couch. I\u2019m resting. I feel like falling asleep. And yet there\u2019s this voice in me saying, \u201cWell, you haven\u2019t worked on your vision today.\u201d (I\u2019m making a course.) \u201cYou haven\u2019t worked on your vision today. You should probably do that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But then another voice is like, \u201cOr, because the sun is shining, you should use the time you\u2019re up here to get outside. Go to the beach. Take a walk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019m just tired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I almost feel embarrassed, in a way, saying I\u2019m a recovering workaholic. There are two reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One, there\u2019s still a part of me, and that\u2019s the manager part, that is saying there\u2019s nothing wrong with being a workaholic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Quick note: when I talk about \u201cparts,\u201d \u201cmanagers,\u201d and the \u201cSelf,\u201d I\u2019m talking about Internal Family Systems, or IFS. It\u2019s a model that sees the mind as made up of different parts. Managers are the ones that try to keep us safe by keeping us in control, productive, and on top of things. The Self is our calm, compassionate core, and it\u2019s the place we want to be leading from.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So that manager part is saying, \u201cYou should be doing something,\u201d right? And it\u2019s also saying, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t say you\u2019re a recovering workaholic, because being a workaholic is good!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But my other parts, my Self via my intellect, are like, \u201cNo. Anything that\u2019s \u2018-aholic\u2019 is not good, because it means you\u2019re addicted.\u201d It means I have to<\/em><\/strong> work. I have to<\/em><\/strong> be productive to feel okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And at the same time I\u2019m feeling guilty because I\u2019m not giving myself rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, it\u2019s a process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, the other reason I don\u2019t want to say I\u2019m a recovering workaholic is that I can imagine people in my life who would say, \u201cYou\u2019re not a workaholic. You\u2019re always taking vacations. You\u2019re walking in the woods,\u201d blah, blah, blah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, I do those things. But I also work a lot. I work for myself, from home, so I set my own schedule. That means I can take a walk in the middle of the day or go on vacation, and people see that. What they don’t always see is that I’m also working hard, and often working late. And when you work for yourself, if you’re not working, you’re literally not getting paid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the type of work I do means a lot of times I\u2019m putting myself out there. So I need time to rest and refill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019m struggling with it right now. I\u2019m struggling to just feel like it\u2019s okay to not be productive. It\u2019s okay to not be accomplishing something, so to speak, every moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I\u2019m aware that this back-and-forth is the real waste of time. It\u2019s a waste to be on the couch thinking you should be off the couch, and then be off the couch thinking you should be resting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The aim is for me to be where I am and just be okay in that moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I can be, when I get my mindset right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So hopefully, now that I\u2019ve let this go and put it out there, I\u2019ll be able to feel okay resting, or feel okay working on my vision. Or walking? I don\u2019t know. Whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part Two: Something Radical<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It turns out my mindset needed more than talking it out. So I put on my wetsuit and headed to the ocean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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