The Vision Quest Chronicles: Tales of Living One's Vision

Right now I am working on “My Story” which is the story of how I have arrived at the point of living my vision of success as I unfold my dharma; the work I am uniquely qualified to bring to the world. Sometimes this part of the journey is plagued by self doubt…

Recorded 8.27.11

Visit our online communities Vision Quest Retreats & Women Owned Business Wednesdays

Do “Bitches” Get Ahead in Business?

Me trying to look like a tough B*tch

First off let me be clear. When I say “bitch” I am referring to Mean Girls, (not women who set boundaries and get what they need.) I ask this question because I have had a few too many encounters with women lately who seem unwilling to support one another (unless they are making money for it) and seem to be doing ok or quite well in their businesses. My belief is that when you are stingy and witholding of support and act from a place of competition and scarcity that you ultimately will not succeed, but am I wrong?

My Pop

Does being a “nice guy” mean you will be taken for a fool? I’m thinking of my father who was a physician, an OBGYN in fact, who was the kindest most generous hardworking man I have ever known. He worked a lot and really cared about his patients and their families. I never recall him refusing service to anyone because they could not pay. Sometimes these were even women who had received medical treatment, had bounced checks, had failed to pay him and came back for more. He would try to set boundaries but always decided in the end that he would rather let the money go and just treat the patient.

A part of me is like my pop. I try to help people where I can and am not too focused on getting paid for every little thing I do. I like to help people and can’t be bothered to think how to “monetize” this all the time. It just feels wrong. In terms of my success this has not seemed to hurt me because I do not want for anything, but there is something that I notice that I do not like. Some women that I have dealt with in business and a few too many recently, frankly seem to try and take advantage of this to create exploitative relationships. I recently had a woman who basically asked me to not post any information on her Facebook wall because I was not a member of her group (you have to pay to belong to her group so they then support you), turn around about three months later and ask me to promote her conference on my group’s Facebook wall! I thought this was kind of ballsy of her after telling me to stay off her wall unless I paid her, but in keeping with my values of sharing and non-retaliation I told her to feel free to post the information on the wall during our online networking event. She told me she would be “busy” and suggested again that I do it as “it would look better coming from the leader” of my group. I’m sure it would, but this is when I really started to think that my being a “nice guy” was leading her to take me for a fool as she basically was asking me to endorse her event.  I have recently concluded that being a nice guy ceases to be about that when you do not set proper boundaries and allow people to take advantage of you.

See, here is a part of my problem. I sometimes feel bad when I set boundaries that I should. In short I feel like I’m being a “bitch” when I say “no” to someone who is trying to take advantage, clearly does not have good intentions or is unkind in some way. I also know that feeling like a bitch is sometimes a bi-product of setting boundaries when what you have really been doing is people pleasing.  My challenge is learning how to keep acting from a place of love and abundance without being a doormat or swinging in the other direction and becoming a mean, stingy, competitive person.

Women Owned Business Wednesdays and Vision Quest Retreats both have a “NO MEAN GIRLS POLICY” for a reason. I would rather have good quality, kind, loving women in my circle that truly believe in abundance and sharing and who do not seek to get ahead by taking advantage of others. I’m going to stick with this and keep working on remaining open and loving AND setting healthy boundaries!

I would love to hear your experience with this. Have you had similar experiences? If so how do you handle them and what have you learned?

Much continued success & well being,

Nicole a.k.a. The Success Doc, Founder Vision Quest Retreats & Women Owned Business Wednesdays

P.S. I’m sorry if the word “bitch” offends you…see there I go again trying to people please!!

Early fall is finding me wanting to clear, cleanse and nest. I doubt I am the only one who feels this. I was overtaken last night (Friday) to clean my house. I enjoyed the feeling of clearing and ridding myself of unwanted, unneeded things. Not coincidentally it is also day 6 of Raw Rood Cleanse I’ve embarked on to rid my body toxins that it needs to clear. I bought a blender yesterday to make the smoothie recipes. The cleaning/clearing is also preparation for this because I will be spending more time in the kitchen preparing food, which is also a part of the urge toward nesting and self-care.

All of this is continued preparation for Slaying the Dragon, the current trials revealed to me this summer. I am entering a phase of much arduous work that will need to be sustained for some time so this preparation is essential, to drop dead weight on all fronts and get in the proper physical, emotional and spiritual condition.

What sort of spiritual care, self nurturing and preparation do you need to be doing right now? What do you do to cleanse yourself and bring renewed strength and resources when needed?

Try this Intuitive Success Coaching exercise….

Meditate for a moment on the image below then write for 10 mins stream of consciousness,  whatever comes to mind. Feel free to tell us what you found here or drop by Vision Quest Retreats Facebook page and share!

The Empress

Crossing of the First Threshold:

This is the point where one actually crosses into the field of adventure, leaving the known limits of her world and venturing into an unknown and dangerous realm where the rules and limits are not known.

Campbell: “The adventure is always and everywhere a passage beyond the veil of the known into the unknown; the powers that watch at the boundary are dangerous; to deal with them is risky; yet for anyone with competence and courage the danger fades.”

Sometimes when it is time to slay the dragon (surmount any scary trial) you have to go inside to places like the temple, cave or dojo to prepare and find strength.

What sorts of things do you do in there? Maybe you get quiet and centered, maybe you clean house literally and figuratively, maybe you pray and meditate.  Maybe you do all of the above and then some.

This is not only a period of work for me but a period of cleansing. Cleansing on the  spiritual level through the physical, visa versa or however you choose to see it. As a part of this cleansing I am embarking on a raw food cleanse. This is a bit scary for me as I have never had this sort of diet, and tend to indulge myself quite a bit when it comes to food.

The G*ddess in the Desert

Have you ever gone through a period of fasting, detox, cleanse? If so, why? Can a detox or cleanse be a way to get rid of emotional and spiritual baggage as well as other toxins? Drop me a line here or better yet leave a comment on the Vision Quest Retreats Facebook Community.

The purpose of this cleanse is to reset our systems after the summer, perhaps to allow our digestive system a time to relax. Well day 4 of the pre-detox and I am anything but relaxed. I did an earlier cleanse during the winter and thought this would be much the same, in other words, pretty easy. Well this is the pre-game week and I’m already feeling a bit cranky and hungry especially as so many of my little crutches are being taken away. I’m working. Working goes with? Diet Coke and Coffee, that’s right.  Well now working is supposed to go with something called Water. I guess the alliteration will make it easy for me to remember but really I’m just droning on b/c I’m antsy. Sugar also gone, meat, bread, dairy, gluten, all gone gone gone!

What have a left? I guess I will find out over the next 18 days.

Top Image: “Strength”

A heroine ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the heroine comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on her fellow woman. –Adapted from Joseph Campbell

What boon or gifts are you preparing to bestow on the world?

You are invited to join the conversation on Vision Quest Retreats FB page

When it is really time to slay the dragon you may have to go inside the cave, temple or dojo to prepare. Since I’ve been in the cave over the past few days I have been paying attention to what I am doing and what I need to be doing…

On Monday I had to call in one of my superheros healer, Ken Yamaguchi-Clark to

by Stevee Postman in the Cosmic Tribe Tarot

help me get clear on some things.  The lessons and insights were many over the time that we sat and worked together but more than that perhaps I had a breakthrough so full of gifts, intelligence, guidance and comfort. I was given clear direction.  I’m still processing and absorbing it as I continue into my week.

But, today I am popping my head up out of the cave to have an Online Facebook  chat with Jocelyn Gordon, Ecstatic Embodiment Expert & Hoopnotica Director of Teacher Training.

Join us tonight…

Location Online: Vision Quest Retreats Facebook page

*The First 10 fans of Vision Quest Retreats to join the discussion will be entered to win 15% Off their Double Occupancy registration to the Hoopnotica^®
Thanksgiving Hoop & Surf Retreat at Bamboo Yoga Play, Dominical, COSTA RICA * Saturday, November 19, 2011 – Saturday, November 26, 2011

About Jocelyn Gordon: Jocelyn’s gift is in moving women through resistance and into the life of their dreams. With 30 plus years as a student, practitioner and teacher of the

Sometimes when it is really time to slay the dragon you have to go inside the cave or dojo to prepare.

High Priestess by Wayne Rodney

What are the sorts of things you do in there? Maybe you get quiet and centered, maybe you clean house literally and figuratively, maybe you pray and meditate. But other times maybe in the midst of all this you also have to call in your superheros, your gurus or masters.  Today this is what I am having to do. I have to get with a wise master or mistress sometimes to prepare for the work ahead. (Yes, by the way, the dragon is really just the work we have to do in the course of attending the spiritual school we call “life”) I may say my “dragon” is this challenge or that challenge but the other challenge takes place on a spiritual plane that means so much more than any “cause” of my fear. Yes the dragon may also be called Fear, sometimes masquerading as procrastination. The dragon also calls you to look at certain things, to confront truths about who you are and how you feel. You have to look at the dragon before you can defeat her or him (if you prefer). I’m starting to think that the dragon has a thousand faces.

And this would be why I need to call on wiser heads. I talk about and rely quite heavily on my team. I need to have some heavy hitters who will challenge me on things and help to break me out of old habits into a newer, always better way. So this is where I find myself as I prepare for the arrival of my superhero today. Excited, anxious, a little bit afraid and filled with energy.

Who do you go to when you need to pull out the big guns? Do you have a team to support you as you are living your vision? Where might you need to shore up that team or change members? What is it time to do?

All of these questions and more will I be asking myself as I step inside the temple.

If you get a chance I’d love to hear about what you do when it’s time to slay the dragon. Leave a comment or drop by the Vision Quest Retreats Facebook page to share your experience.

Image: High Priestess by Wayne Rodney

Slaying the Dragon:

by DaleCar 2009

It occurs to me on this heroine’s quest that it’s time for many of us, myself included, to “slay the Dragon”.  Depending on which version of the hero’s myth you read, what I call Slaying the Dragon, can be likened to The Ordeal or Atonement with the Father. In this step the person must confront and be initiated by whatever holds the ultimate power in his or her life. In many myths and stories this is the father, or a father figure who has life and death power. The Dragon is a great challenge the heroine must face before receiving the Boon or Reward and must occur before reaching Apotheosis; the exaltation of one to a divine level.  This exalted state is living our Vision and it only comes after we have been on the quest for some time.  I know it’s time to slay the dragon but this is not the first time I have met this beast. I know I am approaching the lair of the beast because her minions;  fear, procrastination, and self-doubt have rushed out to greet me.

Others may experience the dragon as a block or feeling of being stuck and no matter how you try to break through them, you continue to feel defeated. While I don’t like these sort of feelings I know what they mean and know that unless I go to battle I surely will be defeated. I don’t know about you but I intend to be the victor.

Preparing for Battle

Nujalik G*ddess of the Hunt (Cutts, 2007)

As the time for action has occurred the first thing I must do is prepare, fortify myself and arm myself with tools and weapons. The other thing I must do is spend some time in solitude to receive the wisdom that resides in me and that I will only hear when I get quiet. Over the next few weeks this chronicle will be devoted to the steps we must take when preparing for and slaying the dragon.

Have you slayed a dragon? Is it your time? Tell us about it by leaving a comment here or on the Vision Quest Retreats Facebook page.

Last week found me simultaneously researching sabbaticals, house siting in a house with a pool/spacious yard and needing to get a huge chunk of creating done, both on my book about women living their visions of success and the new Vision Quest Retreats website (check our cool new landing page, while the site is under construction).

The word Sabbatical comes from the Latin sabbaticus, and Hebrew shabbat, i.e., Sabbath, literally a “ceasing.” It is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year. The concept of sabbatical has a source in shmita, described in the Bible where there is a commandment to desist from working the fields in the seventh year. Therefore, in the strictest sense, sabbatical lasts a year.

In modern times, “sabbatical” has come to mean any extended absence in ones career to achieve something e.g., writing a book or traveling for research. In its broadest sense sabbatical or a sabbatical is a period away from your normal routine – a time to immerse yourself in yourself in a different environment. It can also offer rest, a chance to see your life from a different perspective, and to gain new insights.

My current work situation does not really permit me to take 2 mos to a year off right now so I decided to take my own mini stay-home sabbatical.

The Results:

While I still engaged minimally in my Organizational Development practice no appointments involved me leaving the house, so after a brief stint with procrastination I got down to work. I did manage to accomplish what I set out to do; getting a huge chunk of writing done. I also squeezed in an appointment with my body worker. This visit helped me to gain deeper insight during this time. He also gave me an interesting prescription of backstroke. I brought my aching neck and blocks to him and told him that I had been swimming freestyle for exercise. He told me to swim back stroke to give my neck and ego a break. He was right. I know how to swim backstroke but freestyle is easier for me and I can swim faster. The energy of freestyle was very ego driven for me while backstroke felt awkward but more like improving the back of the house or inner me. This exercise also connected with my insight that I needed to exercise more discipline both in my work and spiritual practice. I took rest after my work and swimming in the evenings and was able to enjoy watching the birds dart about and the fireflies come out.

My Conclusion:

If you can carve out even a mini sabbatical take it! Especially in the current economic climate many people are afraid to take sabbaticals for fear of losing their positions. A mini sabbatical could be just the right thing for you.

Give it a try and drop us a line and let us know how it goes!