Escape from Paradise?

Posted on October 3, 2010 by admin

(from travel journal dated Friday October 1, 2010)

 

My writing spot in Villa #1

Got up early today and happy as I assumed that the Internet was back up and that I could get a ton of work done.  Very eager to get some of the women’s conference work done but foiled again!!! No Internet still!

8:15 PM I was just berating myself for having not written today when I realized that this is all I have been doing! Blogging, journaling, facebooking and documenting everything with pictures with captions!! Ok this begs the next question…what am I doing all this for?  Who am I writing to?  Okay perhaps more importantly…why am I hearing drum beats and loud singing/chanting near my cottage? I am finding the sound of the rain very unnerving.

I realized I came here to face my fears.  I keep trying to be in denial of it because it just doesn’t seem to make sense…this is not what I came for.  I came to write and to escape but am slowly beginning to accept that there is no escape.  Suffering is everywhere…even in paradise.  Buddha says suffering is inevitable, this is one of the 4 noble truths. 

Waiting out the Storm

I also just realized how once again my fear exists in my ego. This is not supposed to be about me.  I forgot that my job as an artist is to sacrifice myself on the altar of creativity. When I look at it like this I am unafraid I am on a mission and prepared to die. I’m living my vision right here and now by being here and I don’t even want to realize this.  I had a vision to travel and write and paint. I’m sitting here in a little hut in the tropics with no AC with my laptop on this small wooden table.  It is raining steadily outside.  It seems that it has been raining for 10 days straight. 

Sitting with yourself can be very challenging.  I continually want to change my situation but am learning that this is futile so I’m considering the below…

The Four Noble Truths were the first teaching of Gautama Buddha after attaining Nirvana. They are sometimes considered to contain the essence of the Buddha’s teachings:

  1. Life as we know it ultimately is or leads to suffering/uneasiness (dukkha) in one way or another.

    Jamaican Buddha

  2. Suffering is caused by craving. This is often expressed as a deluded clinging to a certain sense of existence, to selfhood, or to the things or phenomena that we consider the cause of happiness or unhappiness. Craving also has its negative aspect, i.e. one craves that a certain state of affairs not exist.
  3. Suffering ends when craving ends. This is achieved by eliminating delusion, thereby reaching a liberated state of Enlightenment (bodhi);
  4. Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out by the Buddha. (Wikepedia)

What are your thoughts on the above?  Is suffering an inevitable part of life as a human and do you accept this or attempt to change it?  Drop me a line and let me know your thoughts.

To participate in my non-fiction book about women living their visions, by answering  a brief survey and telling us your story, please visit The Vision Quest Survey. 

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Fear…Back on The Rock

Posted on October 3, 2010 by admin

(from travel journal dated 9.30.10)

Back in Villa #1 on what I now refer to as The Rock. The rain continues to fall…

Villa #13

After a short detour in which I almost wound up in Rock House’s villa #13 I am back in my old room Villa #1.  I actually really liked the look of #13 and was ready to move when they called it off.  The new villa was very Robinson Crusoe/Blue Lagoon and would have suited me just fine.  It even had a ladder/stair that went up to a loft with two little beds up there.  The view, like that of all the villas, was great.  It looked like the perfect little place in which to write.  Very charming.

I spun around to locate the AC and that’s when Scarlet,  the bellman (and no that is not his first name), told me…”oh there is no AC”….WHAT? Come again? Running on generator power was not enough to power the Air Conditioning units in each room. He was explaining to me the efficiency of the ceiling fan but I could not hear him because the words “no AC” kept ringing in my ears.  I inhaled deeply and decided that this was even more perfect, more authentic and more befitting to create an atmosphere in which I could write a story largely based in the tropics and on the sea.

But…secretly,  I longed for the halcyon days of “Little Havana” and all my mod cons.

So this has brought us up to speed and hopefully prepared my hands and mind to write…when’s dinner?

5:20 PM OMG I’m soooo bored! I don’t want to write. I want to go swimming and just see the sun. Maybe I’ll try meditating instead…boy my mind is noisy!

8:35 PM Just came from dinner at the Pushcart of blackened snapper salad and side of fries. As always the food there is very good.

10:55 PM Have just written a lot, filled out more the scenes on the pirate ship leading up to Isabelle’s…(oops forgot can’t tell what’s going on yet in Book II of The Adventures of Isabelle).  Writing, especially as I have no idea of what I am doing, goes really slowly. Still contending with that voice in my head that says “what makes you think you can write a book let alone a novel or epic fairy tale? What did I just read about in the Pema Chodron book today about the young warrior’s battle with Fear?  

 

Pema Chodron

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” in that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear.  (p. 41, When Things Fall Apart. Chodron, 1997)

 

My job is to not let my fear change my actions.  It is one thing to have fear, another to be guided by it.

Ok nuff writing tonight. I am going to put it in chill mode and get up early to write some more.  Tomorrow is going to be great! I can’t wait.  Going to bed now. I think tomorrow will be a big work day. Maybe the sun will even shine. I have a feeling that the internet is back, at least I hope so because I have a lot to say!

Where are you on the journey of living your vision for your life and what do you do when you encounter Fear ?  Drop me a line and let me know!

SAVE THE DATE FOR THE Taking your Dreams from Design to Destiny: The Next Level, Conference to be held in Washington, DC January 15th from 9-1 PM

To participate in my non-fiction book about women living their visions, by answering  a brief survey and telling us your story, please visit The Vision Quest Survey

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Shelter From the Storm Part II from the Journey to Orphalese

Posted on October 2, 2010 by admin

(from travel journal dated September 30, 2010)

Natural Composition with Light

I awoke this morning in my lovely room at Moondance on the Cliffs to a world changed.  Tropical Storm Nicole had finally abated. The sea was calmer, it had stopped raining and I even caught a glimpse of some sunshine. I got dressed and walked out across the soggy lawn to see the sea. I took some peaks in the villas that I passed along the way. The sea was calmer but still quite rough.  After this I got a cup of coffee and headed to my room to work. Actually got work done.

I Inquired about things back at the Rock House then had breakfast in my room. Apparently someone was to come at 9:30 to apprise us of the situation and our options. Not sure that that person ever came but eventually the intel arrived. Power back on at RH and they would be retrieving us around 1:30.  Matthew, the manager at Moondance, asked them to call him around 1:00 to give him an update and status report on the clean-up effort.  This call too never came but the driver, non the less showed up at 1:45.

I begged off of that ride by saying I was not prepared as the pre-call had not taken place.  The driver agreed to come back at 2:20. In actuality I wasn’t ready becasue I didn’t feel like vacating my dry comfy digs so soon.  I had quickly become attached to the cool dryness, the hot water and dare I say it…the cable TV.  Not to mention that I had finally actually gotten some work done!

 

To participate in my non-fiction book about women living their visions, by answering  a brief survey and telling us your story, please visit The Vision Quest Survey

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