The Vision Quest Chronicles: Tales of Living One's Vision

Do we have to stay on the path to be on our path?

I’m not really sure where to begin. I have not checked in in some time.  Hard to say where I have been. Hiding out in some self made cave, contemplating my vision, feeling down, going inside, facing some demons…now emerging.  Feeling renewed and refocused.  I had to hit a bottom with some of my character defects in order to begin the work of moving them out of the way.  This ebb and flow, falling and getting up, stumbling and catching myself just seems to be the process of living my vision and growing as a human being.  I continue to work on acceptance and patience and allowing things to unfold.

I am very excited because this week I am headed up to Univ. of Pennsylvania to have a meet and greet and do a little talk with a group of women that my friend Dawn has assembled.  This is the next phase of the VC Project.  The survey is still ongoing but it is time to get out there and start talking to women about their visions and hear what they have to say.  I know that I will get guidance and inspiration from this.  I hope the event will inspire those who attend. I have no idea what form it will take but then that is the fun part.  I am on a quest and it’s an adventure!

Of course as always I will report from the field.  If you want to follow along on twitter please do http://twitter.com/SuccessDoc and as always please please please drop me a line and tell me about your adventures.

Much continued success!

(first posted 10.18.09)

G*ddess Unites With Her Vision (detail)

G*ddess Unites With Her Vision (detail)

In post #51 I put the question out there…”Is pink a power color?” I received several interesting comments and perspectives on this. I love pink because it is the color of the heart’s deepest desire but I also learned some neat things about my new favorite color from Jacqueline Lawson at Hot & Mobile that I want to share with you;

Pink is the color of universal love. Pink is a quiet color. Lovers of beauty favor pink. A pink carnation means “I will never forget you”. Pink Energy Pink is a combination of red and white. The quality of energy in pink is determined by how much red is present. White is the potential for fullness, while red helps you to achieve that potential. Pink combines these energies. Shades of deep pink, such as magenta, are effective in neutralizing disorder and violence. Some prisons use limited deep pink tones to diffuse aggressive behaviour. Pink provides feelings of caring, tenderness, self-worth and love, acceptance. Put some pink in your life when you want: calm feelings, to neutralize disorder, relaxation, acceptance, contentment.

(first posted 10.7.09)

I had lunch today with my friend A.F. Cook, author of Democrats in the Red Zone just to catch up and talk visions. I also wanted to hear her story of how she wrote and published her book (which, by the way, is an interesting read). We had a great time. I always love talking to smart, talented women. What she said to me as we parted on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant stuck with me. She said “Don’t procrastinate on the writing. Start writing.” Aaaargh! How did she know that I have not written in several weeks?! Oh yeah, sure, I’m “working” on the book because I’m collecting data and thinking about it all the time, but that is NOT the same thing as writing. The part of the book I’m supposed to be working on right now is “my story.” So I thought I’d start here and do a sort of draft on the blog. The first installment to follow in post #53.

(first posted 10.3.09)

Self Portrait (Cutts, 1999)

Nicole’s Story: Introduction

I had finished grad school, back from L.A. and back in my parent’s home trying to figure out what to do next.  My doctorate was in clinical psychology but I pretty much had decided that I did not want to be a therapist anymore. It was 1999 and I was on a quest to figure out my “Purpose”.  One night I had an interesting dream.  I dreamed that there was a creature that was sort of half butterfly and half reptile.  It had pink wings and a bright green lizard-like body.  I had caught this creature and for some reason was trying to stuff it in a small clear plastic bag (like a sandwich baggie). In order to get her in the bag I had to fold her wings breaking them with a little tiny crack.  It was an awful feeling, stuffing that pretty little creature in that bag! Why was I doing that? When I woke up it seemed pretty clear that the butterfly was me and that I was trying to stuff myself in a space that I did not fit and was hurting myself in the process.  The space I was trying to stuff myself in was the space created by the expectations of my parents and society.  I was feeling stuck because rather than figuring out what I truly wanted to be I was trying to compromise to please others.  Once I realized this I decided to free myself of this and just really go about the business of figuring out who I really was and what I really wanted to do with my life.  What happens next is a much longer story…

(first posted 10.3.09)

Why have you chosen to do the work you do?

I asked this question the other day at a workshop I was conducting on The Four Agreements.  More than a few participants looked at me as if I had lost my mind.  A few people murmured under their breath “to get paid of course” a few others admitted that this was their first job out of college or that they just needed  a job.  I wondered about this and realized that I found their answers somewhat depressing.  Later that day I asked two of my coaching clients  (one man & one woman) to tell me about their Visions for their lives.  I noticed that a transformation came over both of them as they told me about their dreams for their lives.  There was almost child-like wonder and a twinkle in their eyes as they shared these dreams with me. I noticed that I felt happy listening to them.  Later going home on the train I contemplated these scenarios and realized one reason why I do the work I do.

I started thinking about the uniquely human tendency we have to dream for a better life.  It seems that this is what makes us humans and what I find so precious when I am talking to people about their dreams and Visions.  Everyone seems to display that child-like quality of hopefulness when they engage in dreaming. Dreams can be very fragile and precious things. I realized that one thing I enjoy when coaching people is the feeling of being honored that they share their dreams with me and are enlisting my help in making these dreams a reality.

This dream sharing is just one element of why I love my work but it was a nice insight for me.

(first posted 9.30.09)

G*ddess Unites with Her Vision, detail (Cutts)

Is pink a power color?

I just got back from the Pennsylvannia Govorner’s Conference for Women in Philadelphia and I am still buzzing from the energy generated in a convention center filled with thousands of women! The speakers (male and female) were amazing as was the positive energy.  Their speeches were both empowering and informative, from Marcus Buckingham, to Judge Glenda Hatchet, to Suze Orman, who rocked the house. (I love her!) I saw tons of amazing powerful women with smiles on their faces driven by serious purpose, women living their Visions, women of all varieties with Visions just as diverse. I was able to connect with several of them and learn a bit about their stories…community organizers, writers, students, dancers, saleswomen, CEOs.  Some women I spoke to are very clear about their Visions, others finding their way.  Most of the women were there to learn, grow and to support each other.

I had gone up there hoping to be reinvigorated and redirected.  After suffering what I now realize (in part thanks to your comments) where minor setbacks  I was feeling down about my Vision. Originally I was going up to speak to a group of women at U Penn about the Vision Quest Project and my research for the book but as you may recall from my last post that did not come off.  Somehow I knew it would be okay and that things would work out as they should so I went with a sense of curiosity, wondering what I would find. I got so much energy and clarity from this adventure and was able to look at the potential spaces in which my buddy Dawn and I will hold the group when I go up to Philly in Oct.  I am very excited about this.

I had so many realizations that I can’t really capture them all here but I will give it a shot:

1) Once again my ego was trying to trip me up!  Why was I so crushed about my retreat not going as planned? Because I felt like a failure.  That is bunk! If my purpose and mission is to help people and especially women clarify and achieve their Visions for their lives then I can do that anywhere, not just in WV and not just on a retreat.  When I feel like a failure or worry about how I’m going to perform this is always a clue that my ego is too much in it.  When I ‘m being of service I don’t worry about stuff like that.  I just show up and give my best.

2) I’m still too impatient! My ego is also tied up in this last realization. It was hard for me to concentrate at times on the great speakers because all I could think about was how much I wanted to be up there on the stage talking about my research and my book and how much I wanted to be motivating the crowd. This is a form of “hating” that I must rid myself of if I am to truly realize my full potential and bring my gifts to the world.  Somewhere along the line I have started to grow tired of being a student and want to be the teacher only.  That is also crazy.  As soon as I think this way I will slow my growth and ultimately have less to give.

3) I’m even more powerful than I suspected!  As much as I’m facing my fears and living my Vision I am also still holding back in so many ways, allowing myself to be a victim of other people’s expectations and perceptions of me. I allow myself to feel defeated when others don’t support me or help me.  That is victim thinking and leaches my energy. The only one who has to believe in me and my Vision is me.There is more that I have not even processed and so much that I learned and figured out up there that I will be implementing over the next few months so it will show up in later posts but right now I need to go and get quiet…just wanted to share the energy.

I hope you had a peaceful week. Drop me a line and let me know how you are doing with your Visions!

(first posted 9.15.09)

I began my last post by asking if you ever feel like giving up on your Vision?

I received a few comments that confirmed what I already knew…I am not the only one who ever feels like this. I was feeling demoralized because a big part of my Vision, namely doing the Success Retreat for Women, was not coming together as I hoped it would. After putting it out there (marketing etc.) I was getting very little response and it was looking as if the retreat might not go off. Then on top of this my co-facilitator took a full time job and would not really be available. The energy was somehow wrong and I wondered if maybe I was on the wrong path and whether or not what I was offering was of value to others. I ultimately had to make a very tough decision.  I decided to postpone the retreat and maybe start smaller.  I thought the 3-day retreat was small enough!  I was angry and disappointed and frankly felt like I had failed.

After a few days of feeling down about this I had to re-group. I decided to go smaller and, with the help of  a friend, was setting up a meeting in Philadelphia with a group of women for Sept. 17.  It was perfect because at the same time I would be attending the Governor’s Conference for Women.  Groovy!  Maybe the retreat wasn’t happening yet but I had this to look forward to.  This was definitely forward movement! Then the call with my friend in Philly came…They are not having a good time in the city, budget cuts, programs ending, closures of all kinds set for Oct. 2.  Apparently these occurrences are not lending themselves to an atmosphere where a group of women want to sit down and discuss Visions and taking their careers to the next level.  What is that sound that Pacman used to make when he got eaten up by the ghosts? I think I understand how he felt

Then I got a call from another friend.  She wanted to know how the retreat was filling up because she had registered for it and wanted to make sure it was going off. I went home to get on line to find out that she and another woman had just registered!  What?! 2 people who were going to come?  I mean it was only Sept. 14.   Aaaaaaarggg! What had I done? Was I too nervous and jumpy? Should I have ignored the advice of friends and advisors? Had I pulled the plug too quickly? This occurence basically led me to conclude that I had no idea what I’m doing.

I am now RE-re-grouping.  I am tempted to say I am feeling confused by this turmoil and how I am feeling but this is not entirely true.  The truth is that I am getting a clear message from the universe to slow down, back up and don’t force it.  I hear the message but am not really ready to surrender to this invective just yet…slowly I will get there but there is still a bit of fight in me right now.  I want so much to MAKE something happen RIGHT NOW!, but ultimately I know this is not how Visions manifest.  So PATIENCE again? Yes…patience again.

Stay tuned till next time (psst…secretly I do know something good is coming soon).

Take the “Vision Quest Survey”: If you are a Woman (21 or older): Click Here to take survey

As of today: 158 women have completed it! 

Do you ever feel like giving up on your Vision? 

I wanted to call this post WTF?! (F stands for fudge of course) but decided that was not a good idea.  Since my last post there have been many ups and downs and frankly I have not felt like writing.  A big part of this apprehension lay in the fact that I did not want to write about anything negative in my blog…BUT, that is not being true to the nature of this blog, which is meant to chronicle the journey of one living her Vision.  The intent of the blog is to tell a story that hopefully others can identify with and get something from.  Therefore I can not pretend that living my Vision is always easy or fun.

When I returned from my wonderful trip to L.A. it was time to get down to marketing the first Women’s Success Retreat to be held Oct. 23-25.  The way I saw it I did not have much time.  I began my marketing efforts in earnest. Newsletter, facebook, twitter, a couple listserves, word of mouth etc.  Maybe I expected too much but basically I felt like I was shouting into a canyon and hearing crickets chirping back…nothing!  Hello? I began to wonder…is anyone out there?  Really worse than that I began to wonder…does anyone out there need what I am offering?  Am I useful?  I thought I had a purpose, a mission but maybe I was/am wrong.  Self doubt and doubt of my vision began to loom larger and larger and I went down.  Suddenly I did not feel so confident.  Usually I am very confident that I can pull of anything I undertake but suddenly that was gone and the fear of failure stood in its place.  I gave into this for a few days but have now regrouped.

This is the deal.  I AM living my Vision! No one said it would be easy or that I would always meet with immediate success.  I will try my best to be true to myself and my Vision and work as hard as I can to be of service to others.  I do not control the whole thing.  I believe that my Higher Power will take it from there.  I may succeed in the way I think I should or She/He/It may have different plans for me…that is the deal with being human.

Is my work done?  No I have much to do on both the physical and spiritual plain.  Physically I have to get off my but and market this retreat.  Spiritually I have to pray and meditate and keep my channels clean and open to be guided as to what my next steps should be and then I need the power to carry that out.

I’m off to bed now because I have a coaching client early in the morning downtown and then a workshop later in the day.  I will be on the look-out for the miracles this week.

Wish me luck as I do the same for you!

Take the “Vision Quest Survey”: If you are a Woman (21 or older): Click Here to take survey

As of today: 157 women have completed it! 

(first posted 9.7.09)

The View from Our Room

Greetings from sunny Los Angeles!

I have come here for a few days for reasons known and unknown.  As usual the unknown is slowly revealing itself to me.

I am feeling intense joy today on the path of living my Vision.  And I am doing just that…living my Vision.  You see LA is a very big part of my story. It was the quest of my Vision that first brought me out here in 1993.  I came out here to attend graduate school (in Clinical Psychology) but the underlying attraction of LA and why I was drawn here was because I saw this as a place where people flouted convention, instead choosing to follow their passions and to, as I call it, live from the inside out.  I always sensed that there was a spirit of adventure and entrepreneurship here and that excited me.  I wanted this. Did I find what I came for back then?  Yes, actually I did and so much more. The “more” is a story for another time.

So today I am in LA for two reasons (that I know of); 1) to spend a few days focusing on my Visions work i.e. writing my book, preparing for our first Women’s Vision Quest Retreat (Oct. 23-25 in Berkeley Springs, WV), and 2) to spend time with the man I am in love with. I mention this second reason, although not the focus of this blog, because it is a very important aspect of my life’s Vision. 

Before beginning work today I just wanted to write this post to share this moment.  One aspect of living a successful life is to share our stories with others.  For me this means sharing the struggles and the triumphs.  What follows is an excerpt from my personal journal in which I attempt, as best as I can, to capture my feelings in this moment.

8.26.09 “Good morning G*d/G*ddess. Thanks for waking me up this morning and thanks for all the blessings in my life. I am bursting with joy…forgot how much I love LA. This place is a huge part of my story. I’m a bit too overwhelmed by memory to capture it on paper, but it has to do with realized and unrealized dreams in this city and with my Visions that are now being born.  My tears have to do with being so young, happy and free when I was here. They also have to do with being so connected to my Higher Power and to being in love with _______.  The tears are especially about my dreams having come true and being so acutely aware of this.  I am now living the life I always dreamed of…adventure, love, doing the work I love.  Something has come over me…acute happiness, coming full circle. I’m in a state of suspended animation…in a bubble of such intense clarity pregnant with joy and wonder at it all.  I am so overwhelmed and have no idea what to do with all this bliss.  I can only do what the voice in the dream I had in Paris told me to do…’expand into the joy.’ ”

I close this entry by expressing my desire to never move from this spot, but of course that is not the nature of life…so I will move on and try to take up the work of the day.  As always I will report on my progress later.

Until then I wish you continued success and well being.

(first posted 8.26.09)